deconstructing their reality

i surely do admire those of you who can spend time researching and then putting your words together so eloquently!! i have discovered that if i don't type up my thoughts right then and there and then get them posted (no draft folder for me) then they become yesterdays thoughts, a thing of the past, long forgotten and moved past.

on that note, i am on the brink of yet another paradigm shift in my own existence and as 'wise woman' has expressed, the sharing helps one begin to assimilate and process the information oneself.



(almost) straight from my diary, an embryo of a new way of thinking/being:
01.20.2009
913pm

so much to get written down -
so little mind to do it with.
too much mind fuque. 2 things happening. or maybe 3.
[ dealing BIG TIME with some nefarious doings within my brain, not of my own doing at all!!! but we do not mention them in public because of the irrational fears that are brought up when this kind of thinking gets deep. some things cannot be shared in the public arena. back to my diary...]
the realization that. what dammit!?!? - what realization!?!?!? this mind mess maze is BS. it is NOT my reality - it is theirs [interjection: i realize that i am responsible for creating my own life, that's not what this is about, denying responsibility and feeling like a victim are not what i am doing.] it is NOT MY REALITY - it is theirs. i am NOT one of them.

this reality is their construct - not mine. i have thought i was part of this but i can begin to disconnect from this reality, slowly, carefully -

i realize that i must be very careful of what i spend my time doing/reading/absorbing, of what i accept into my thoughts.
i feel insane and out of control because i am deconstructing what they created in my mind. it is not my creation, it is theirs and i am not one of them. i choose to create my own destiny.

i had thought i just had to unravel and reweave this tapestry i call my reality, my life, but i would only be reweaving it from the old 'string' - that's not my creation.

do i believe i create my own reality? what are the rules?
only one that i can see: first, do no harm.
so, what do i weave the tapestry of my New Reality with?
higher oscillating strings of light/sound... higher frequencies threads.

debt and lack (insert perceived problem here) is no longer my reality. that was a construct of their reality and i am NOT one of them.

i disconnect and deconstruct that which no longer serves me and that which was never truly mine to begin with.